Yesterday was Mother’s Day and it is always bittersweet for me. I was lucky to have a loving, supportive, funny, and wonderful mom. It’s been 13 years since she passed, it’s still painful. I carry the grief of her loss with me every day, but her birthday, the anniversary of her passing, and Mother’s Day are particularly difficult. On these days, I feel too many feelings.
As time passes, I’m learning that the grief never ends; it comes in waves. This year, was particularly hard. I think because there have been so many moments where I’ve needed her.
I’m sad that she’s missing great moments in my life; getting to know my sweet husband, visiting us in Paris and Chamonix, seeing our cozy cabin in Montana and marveling at the renovations, enjoying the antics of her grand puppies, sharing the joy of my wedding; the list is overwhelming.
I miss the comfort of her hands on my face, telling me everything will be ok when the world lets me down. I miss her silly sense of humor. I even miss her flashes of temper because she was always quick to forgive. I miss having someone who really knew me at my core; and that beneath my strength and capability, I was and still am the most sensitive of her children. I am only just realizing how much she shielded me from and I regret that I never fully appreciated it.
Over the weekend I decided to change things up a bit. Instead of focusing on all my feelings, I decided to celebrate my Mom by cooking my favorite recipe of hers, puttering in my garden and working on this new piece. Her favorite flower was the dogwood, her favorite color was red, and she believed seeing a cardinal represented luck or a visit from a loved one passed. We had a cardinal that visited often while we lived in New York that my mother called Flo because she believed it was the spirit of her favorite aunt.
I’m excited to see how this turns out. It’s one of the more detailed mosaics I’ve ever done. Stay tuned to see how it progresses.
Oh, and happy belated Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms out there!!!
Such wonderful words about a wonderful lady that I was privileged to have known and loved, thank you for sharing her! I can not imagine how it feels to lose a parent, I just want you to know that I think of you often and you will forever be in my heart. I love you and have always loved your whole family, and just know that you made such a wonderful impact on my life all those years ago, I always have and always will look up to you! You are as amazing as your mom was, and I know she is so proud of you!
Thank you for your lovely words Steph! She loved you and all my friends…she was the “cool aid” mom and all were welcome. It touches me deeply that you think I’m like her. Lots of love back at you, always!